THINKING LOUD

They say that to know a person, you need to stay close to them for a long time. That is the only way you can know them inside and out. That is the only time you can be able to give an account of who they are. And I agree.


But today, I bring another theory that the world should know: staying with a person for years does not guarantee that you will know them for who they truly are. Some devils and witches are just so good and talented, and in pretending to be angels, even if you stay with them for a lifetime, you will still miss most key details about them.

Take, for example, me and Leo. I gave that dog my all. I stayed with him for three fucking years. After three freaking years, I believed he was the man that I would want to have as my lifetime partner. I am a husband and a loving father to my kids. But see what that moron did to me? I did not even see that coming. I could never in my life imagine that he—the goat—would have the heart to betray me, and that too, with my stepmother! To me, he was the definition of an understanding man, a man who respected me so much and loved me so much to cheat on me. A man who loved me so much that he had agreed to stick by my side even when he knew that I was betrothed to someone else. And every time we talked about my impending fate, he would always say, 'We will cross that bridge together when we get there, babe—together. You and I will overcome this; our love will."

Encouraging, right? Who wouldn't have fallen for that? His promises kept me going, pushing me towards fighting for what I wanted. He gave me more hope that I would fight that fate and win, and finally, he and I would have a happy ever after and start the family that we wanted. Little did I know that he would heartlessly leave me hanging alone just at the peak of the battle. That dog! That devil!


Come to think of it, Nelly is the green snake in the name of my stepsister. Despite all the feud that has existed between us since day one when they moved to our house, I could have vouched that she would do anything to hurt me, but not that. I am not sleeping with my man. Not screwing my man on my very own bed. And definitely, not to be so shamelessly proud enough to pin the blame of her betrayal on me, and much less to be so proud of stabbing in that way. It did hurt, still does hurt, and forever will hurt. Not because I love Leo anymore, but because no matter what, he was my man, and she was my stepsister. The thought of her and me sleeping with the same man makes me feel so dirty. Until now, I still didn't know what I would do to that blackhearted bitch. But the truth is, I must get back at her one way or another. She cannot screw me that much and go scot-free. No! Never!

And finally, but not least, let us talk of my father. I have always known that he was cold and despotic from the beginning. He is an egocentric and authoritative man who does not take any challenge from anyone. His is to command, and the world has to bow. But who would have thought that he would go to this extreme of closing all the doors of survival for his only child? I bet even my mom disapproves of him for the very first time, but too bad, she is resting with angels, so there is nothing that she can do to help her beloved daughter. I never would have thought he would do this to me, honestly. It makes me wonder if he really is my father. Can a parent really bear to do this to their own child? My father's actions are just a mystery that I can't explain or understand.


And finally, before me stands a criterion of an angel. It has not been a month since we crossed paths, but I feel like I have known him all my life. I feel like he is a part of me that has been missing all my life—Damian. We started off on a rough patch! I first thought he was a ghost when he found me stranded on the street. Smirk at that. A ghost, really? That is the funniest of all the things I have assumed about him. I wonder how he would react if I told him about this. He would crack his ribs, for sure, and call me an oddball.

Then I thought he was just a woman eater who wanted to have me for the night. Then I thought he was a womanizer, because that is what I made out of his mesmerizing beauty and all the allure that he exudes. Then I termed him a hopeless drunkard and even hated him for wasting his beauty. Then I saw him as an annoying jerk whom I could not stand even for a minute.

Ghosh! God, forgive me for judging him so harshly and so much! If only he knew what I thought of him, huh?

But here we are. It has been barely a month, and he has proved all my assumptions about him so damn wrong! He is nothing—sort of what I presumed. He is the total opposite. He is the only person in my circle that I have known for the shortest time, yet he seems like the only person who accepts and loves me for who I am. He accepts and respects my decisions, even when he does not agree with them. He understood me and cared for me even when he had no reason to. He has invested so much in me. He has aroused some passions and things in me that I never discovered in my whole 25 years. I can't even finish describing him. He is, in short, everything that I missed but never had in life. He is my peace and my sanity, my strength and weakness, and my joy and happiness. He is my sweet, serene haven in this cruel world, and without much ado, this is where I rest my case.

'You know." His voice startles me as he walks closer. We are making dinner, some chicken patillia, and my belly is rumbling from the sweet aroma. I was supposed to cook, but he never let me do anything alone. He would rather take a stool and watch me do it, but leave me alone, naah! 'I would give the world an idea of what is usually on your mind whenever you stare at me like this," he says.

I bet I have been staring at him forever, and I always do that. I hope he can know what is on my mind. What I think of him. What he makes me feel. 'Well, that is because you are annoying!" I smirk and turn to check on the chicken.

I stop when I hear his footsteps, and soon enough, he presses his front on my back, his hands enveloping my waist and crawling all the way up to my breasts, giving me a hungry, painful squeeze that made me leap. I turn around, facing him. 'See what I mean?" I say, my hands resting on his chest.

'At least I know you love it," He pins me to him, his hands dropping to my bum as he presses us together as if he wants us to fuse and become one item. 'Or do you want to deny?" He adds, searching my eyes, his lips parting as he aims at my lascivious ones.