THE HEARTACHES

Why the hell am I so unfortunate? Why is this shit called love so fucking unfair to me? Why does it seem like fate has vowed to sentence me to misery? It seems like life has a vow to screw me until I lose my sanity! I was just getting to cloud nine, and my star was just about to shine, but now I have been ripped off my desperately anticipated glee. Life sucks!


I snap to the driver poking her face at my door, yanking his hand away from my shoulder. "Are you okay, miss? I have been calling you, but..."

"I. Am. Fucking. Fine!" My apologies for being such an elitist bitch! That is just the only way to hide the pain that is tearing me apart.

"Sorry," the driver mumbles, a sorry that rings with the sound of irritation.


I drag myself out of this damned cab, pay my fare, and start towards the shop. I don't mind collecting the change or fishing my phone, which has been freaking buzzing in my handbag since I can recall. It must be Grace. Her ass must be itching for gossip. I hope she doesn't get on my nerves because I am not in the fucking mood.

The coffee shop looks beautiful. The customers are at mediocre capacity. It's never full during the day, but never empty or dull either. I circumvent darting my eyes further to avoid appalling the customers with my red nose and eyes, and I saunter directly into my office.


The door to my office opens again just as I slumber into the seat, and I curse this gossip monger. What the hell! Can't she at least give me a break? Like, let me breathe even for a freaking sec?

"Hey! What the hell happened, Ellie? Why do you look like a mess?" She rants, and worry and concern register in her voice.

I know she cares way too much, but I don't need her nagging right now. I don't need anyone or anything. I need only my pathetic, broken self. I want to be alone to figure out what is so phenomenal about that jerk that is making my heart bleed the way it is bleeding.

"Leave me alone, Grace!" I mumble, blowing my sore nose.

"Come on, Ellie! Talk to me!" She lifts her feet one after another towards me.

"I said I needed to be alone, Grace! Please?" I stop her in her trail, astonishing her with my upheavals. "Lock the door behind you and make sure no one disturbs me."

She knows better than to insist. She turns around while I reach for my bag on the table.

I thought it was grace calling, but I think I was wrong because the damn phone is still ringing, making my ears itch! I was right about one thing, though. That jerk has nothing more to do with me anymore. He has no incentive to call at all. I am no longer his sweet, weird Ellie; maybe I never was. Perhaps he wielded the phrase to coax me into his trap and get what he wanted, and he succeeded.

I gave him more than I should have. I should have put a periphery to my affection for him, but, by bad! I had to fuse my heart with lusts and desires, and now I am agonizing over the consequences of my imbecility. Will I ever learn?

I fish out by phone, and I curse at the caller. Another budge of idiotic judges. Sherry. And I can gamble on my remaining dignity that she is beside Rose. Nuisance arseholes! Ridiculous friends who think I can't make it in life alone. I don't need their sterile, stupid lectures right now. Life is mercilessly teaching me valuable lessons, and I don't need another teacher. I put the phone into silent mode and toss it back into my bag with annoyance.

Deep inside, I wish it was him calling. I don't know if I would have picked up the call, but at least it would mean he is not done. It's probably not over between us. Or at least he realized he was an overly irksome dick in the ass for nothing and perhaps wanted to apologize. Me and my mind, huh?

Is this really the end for us? This was just when things started coming off so real. All the beautiful memories and steamy moments? The fun, laughter, and joy that we had in that short period? Was all that really worthless to him? Because for me, it meant the world. He meant the world.

Can I ever get over him?

I slope my hands on the table, plopping my head on them and sealing my eyes in an attempt to sleep and forget about that bittersweet nightmare, but I know I am daydreaming. I want to assume, even now, that all shit did happen back in his office. That he did not treat me like that. I want to sleep over that nightmare. Probably, hopefully, I will wake up with new flesh memeries. I will still be in good yerms with my Damian when next I peel my eyes.

But, who am I kidding. The unnerving figure of that beast that encountered back in his office is still fuming at me in my mind. There is no way I can fall asleep. There is no sign of it. Unfortunately, I will have to stay awake and deal with these pains and unanswered questions for I don't know how long.

Why am I so in love with you, Damian Almeda? Why does love freaking hurt so much? Why am I so unfortunate in love? Why does everyone that I love end up betraying me? Well, except fpr my mother. The rest are just heartless hypocrates! Hurting me like I am not human. Like they don't care at all. Or maybe they really never cared.

How can you trash me like that? Did I mean absolutely nothing at all to you? Our beautiful sex, our moments—nothing meant a thing to you.