The building loomed in front of me like a ghost in the darkness, the white with the paint peeling from the walls looking like a spirit that was trying to scare me away. Then again, there was no scaring me away anymore. I had been through hell and back. I had walked miles to get here and nothing was scaring me away from my salvation anymore. I have faced the most gruesome monster that anyone had ever met. Chris was nothing on him. He could not hurt me anymore. Not now. Not after what I had been through.
I could see Chris’ window from the street. His light was still on. He was still awake, or rather, he was already awake. I could see the sun turning the sky pink in the distance. Had he ever slept at all? I stared up at the window for a while. I could see a shadow moving in the room. He was awake.
I struggled my way up the flights of stairs I had dreaded. By the time I got to the top the sun was already up, my breath was gone and the pain was escalating again to such a point where I was sure I was going to pass out. I longed for Chris’ warm bed, his body against me, keeping me safe and warm. I needed to rest. But there would be time for that soon enough. Soon I would be on my way out of this place and on a train where I could sleep safely until I got to wherever I would be going. Yes, there would be more than enough time for rest and sleep later.

I didn’t hesitate to knock on the door like I thought I would. I rapped against it in three quick but loud taps. I hoped that Chris would be the one opening the door and not his mother, but then again. I had been through worse than being called out by a drunken middle aged lady.
I waited for what seemed like forever, and just as I got ready to knock again I heard footsteps coming toward the door on the other side.
“Who’s there?” Chris’ voice sounded muffled through the door. I expected him to sound sleepy, but he sounded wide awake.
“It’s me,” I answered. I could hear a crackling in my voice. I had no idea whether it was because of being tired or being in pain anymore.
“E.J?” Chris asked.
“Yeah.” I tried to push myself upright again as to not look like I was in pain. I didn’t want him to pity me. Take me back into his arms just because he felt sorry for me.

I could hear the turning of keys, latches and locks, and there before me stood Chris. He looked like shit. His hair was uncombed and he was wearing only an old pair of boxer which I knew had a hole on the right side of the leg. His eyes were red like someone who really didn’t sleep, still his voice sounded wide and awake.
“What are you doing here?” Chris asked as he pulled his hand through his hair.
“Can I come in?” I asked, trying my best to keep both my posture and my voice in check, neither however seemed to be working out. I wanted to double over in pain and my voice sounded hoarse.
“You look like shit,” Chris said as he stood aside to allow me into the house. “My mom’s asleep so try and be quiet until we get to my room. You know how she gets when you wake her.”

“Cool,” I said as I wobbled past Chris, eager to get to his room, get my stuff and leave.
I could hear the door closing behind me. The locks and keys making loud sounds in the morning silence.
“What the fuck?!”
Chris’ voice echoed through the small space and I froze in place. I had no idea what had made him make such a noise, especially after he told me to be quiet.
“What?” I asked as I looked over my shoulder. Chris’ face was white as a sheet, his hands trembling. He looked like he had seen a ghost.
“Get to my room,” he said with all seriousness, grabbing to the wall to try and maintain his balance which he seemed to have momentarily lost.
“What’s going on Chris?” I asked again.
“Shh!” he said and showed pointed toward his room. “Just get to my room.”
Slowly I marched the few steps to where his room was located. I was barely inside when the door closed behind me.
“What the fuck did he do to you?” Chris asked as he walked around me and then fell onto the bed. “He did this to you, didn’t he? Oh my god! I’m so stupid!”
“What the hell?” I asked, but as I followed Chris’ eyes to my legs I could see exactly what he was seeing. My terrible grey sweatpants weren’t grey any longer. I looked like a teenage girl who got her period, and it was a heavy one. The stains were already going down to my knees.
“Was it James?” Chris asked. I could see tears welling up in his eyes. For a moment I had an urge to hug him, to hold him close to me and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Then I remembered the reason I was bleeding like this was partly because of him and the assumptions that he made.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with you,” I said, pointing down to my legs. “Not anymore in any case. I just came to get my stuff. I’m leaving.”
The words came out harder than what I had meant them to be. Yes, sure, I was angry, but there was no way that Chris could have guessed how far James would take it. Damn, I would not even have been able to guess it.
“What happened? Did he rape you?” Chris asked again. This time tears were definitely trying to find their way out of his eyes. “You need to get to the hospital.”
“I’m fine. I just want my things,” I said, but the truth was that my tears were also coming closer and closer. I could already hear it in my voice. All I wanted was for someone to take care of me. To keep me safe. And no matter what Chris had done, he was here now and he cared.
“Please E.J. just at least let me have a look. Just let me help you,” he said as the first tear slipped from his eye and made its way down to the corner of his mouth, where it disappeared.
“Don’t… Please Chris…” I said, tears now beginning to stream down my cheeks as well. “Just help me… get out of here…”
“I can’t. You can’t walk out of here looking like that. I don’t even think they will allow you on a train as you are,” Chris said. I knew he was making sense, but the last thing that I wanted to do was lower my pants and allow him to see how bad I had been violated. It seemed stupid in this situation, but in a way I still had my pride.
“No… I just… No… Please Chris…” I was pleading now. I wanted to badly to just lay down. I wanted to sleep. I could feel the loss of blood getting to me. I was dizzy and the bleeding wasn’t making it any better.
“You look like you’re going to pass out,” Chris said as he stood up from the bed. “Why don’t you lay face down on the bed with your bottom half hanging down and I will take off those pants. At least let me help you clean up a bit.”
I knew he was right. I needed to clean up. There was no way that nobody on a busy station would not notice the kid with the blood on his pants. I would be the center of attention, making it easier for James to find me in the end.
“Okay…” I sobbed as I started to make my way over to the bed. “But after that I need to get out of here.”
“Just get on the bed. I’ll be right back,” Chris said and disappeared out of the room.
Struggling down onto the bed was difficult. Lowering myself hurt like hell, but as soon as I was finally on my stomach it felt much better. It didn’t feel like everything inside me wanted to fall out of me anymore. Apart from the stinging I could almost feel normal again.
It took a while before Chris reappeared in the room. At that time I was almost ready to fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
“I got some supplies from the kitchen. And some fresh towels. We need to clean you up. Oh, and I snatched some of my mom’s pain pills. Wasn’t sure if you needed them but I brought them with me,” Chris rambled as he started putting down stuff next to the bed on the floor.
“I could do with the pills,” I mumbled.
“Cool, let’s just get these pants off first,” he said and before I had a chance to answer his hands were on my waist, pulling the pants away with the greatest of care, slowly slipping them from my legs. I was expecting it to hurt, but somehow it didn’t.
“There’s a towel between your legs,” Chris said. I need to take it out. I’m not sure if the blood might be sticky. Just tell me if it hurts. If it’s too bad I will stop.”
“Okay,” I said, already bracing myself for what was to come next.
For a moment he fumbled around with the towel between my legs and then…
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed as I pushed my face into the bed. The pain was unbearable. This would have been a good time to pass out.
“Oh my god!” Chris gasped behind me.
The towel was gone. I could feel it was gone.
As I regained myself I looked over my shoulder to Chris. What I saw shocked me to my core. His face was white with tears streaming over his face. His mouth locked in a state of horror that made me really want to pass out and die. If his face looked like that it was way worse than what I could ever have thought.
“Chris?” I asked.
“I can’t…” he started sobbing. “I’m sorry… I can’t… It’s.. Oh fuck… No…”
“Chris!?” I asked again, raising my voice this time.
“No! No! E.J… Fuck…” Chris kept on. He started turning around and around on the spot. His hands going up to his hair, pulling on it.
“Chris! What’s going on!?” I could feel a cold hand wrapping around my heart. Could it truly be that bad?
“It’s still bleeding!” Chris cried as he started sinking down to his knees.
“What the fuck! Chris!” I screamed. I didn’t care if his mother heard me anymore, but apparently enough drink and pills could make you sleep through anything.
“He tore you open! Pieces are hanging outside!” Chris cried from the ground. “You’re going to die!”