THE GUILT AND REGRETS

I wish I could follow my dreams like he does, even with all the obstacles that lay in my way. I wish I let my passion guide me instead of being scared of my father. If only I had pursued my dream of becoming an event planner. But that dream was crushed when I was young. If only I had the chance to start my own business or if I had the courage to chase my dreams. If only I had not let my father's control and fear hold me back. I would be free, like him. I am satisfied and proud of what I do. But I gave in to fear, and now I am facing the consequences of letting fear control my life.


It is hard to see him pursuing his dreams so boldly when I have been too scared to do the same. I wish I had his courage and determination. Maybe then I wouldn't be stuck in this situation. I regret not taking risks and following my heart. Now, I can only watch as he thrives while I struggle with the consequences of my choices. I am awaiting my unknown fate.

I envy him for living his life on his own terms and not letting anything hold him back. I wish I could break free from the chains of fear and insecurity that bind me. Maybe then I could finally pursue my passions and live a life that is truly fulfilling. But for now, I am stuck in the shadow of my own fears, wondering what could have been if only I had dared to chase my dreams. And wondering what I will become in the future. Will I keep hiding forever? What can I even do about my dreams if I spend the rest of my life hiding?

"You are lost," he states, snapping me from wonderland.


I give him a small smile, sipping on my drink to drown my guilt. Maybe I should have rebelled much earlier. But what is done is done. I should probably embrace this career. I am incredible at it anyway.

"Are you okay?" He asks.


I give him an assuring nod. "Yeah. I worked as the head of the marketing department for a certain hotel chain before," I state.

His brightens up, giving me a smile. "Wow! That is interesting. You ought to be good at it," he remarks, and I shrug my shoulders. "You don't look happy about that?" He adds.

"I am without a doubt happy about my achievements. I worked the hell out of my ass to get to that position. But I just realized that the job took almost all of my time, including that which was meant for my personal stuff. In the long run, I lost a lot. Quite a lot," I state.

"I am sorry about that. So, you quit?" He asks, resting his empty glass on the table.

I gulp down the remaining amount in my glass and toss the glass on the table too, returning to the same position. "I did. And I do not want to talk about it. I have worked my ass to the core ever since I graduated from college. So for the first time that I am free, I do not want to even mention anything about work. I want to have some time for myself to reflect on things and try to have fun."

He nods. "Okay. No mention of work for as long as you want. But you can't be happy if you are still stuck in your past. Loosen up and forget the things that you can't bring back. Maybe they were not meant to last forever."

Yeah! He may be right. Not everything that comes into your life stays forever. My mother left me when I was barely sixteen, and she remains the most valuable thing that I have lost so far. The rest, well, I have my freedom, and I will fight for it till the end. My father might be angry at me for now, but he remains my father no matter what. I don't think anger can make him go as far as disowning me. Nothing else matters. The rest, I am better off without—Leo and that ghost fiancé can burn in hell.

Once again, Damian made me feel better for the second time today. He is talented at doing this.

"You are right. Some things are not worth the stress at all," I mumble.

"Okay. So, will you be my student?" He implores.

Huh? What student? "Student?" I query, staring sternly at him.

"Yes. At the gym. I will be a good teacher, and I promise you won't ever regret setting foot in the gym."

I slowly nod my head, albeit unsure. The gym is not for everyone, and I am one of those that it is not meant for. I love myself too much to fight with those metals and ropes, and I don't know what else. Maybe the punching bag. Yeah, that one I can punch the whole day. But the rest, my, no!

"What if I say I am okay this way?" I defend. Honestly, that idea doesn't sit well with me. It kind of scares me already. I never, at any time, considered it, even though time would have been of the essence.

"Come on! It doesn't hurt to try. Plus, I am not charging you."

Free, huh! "Are you always this generous to everyone?" I ask.

"No. You can pay me afterward if you grow to like it, if you want. Or after seeing the results."

Temptation call!

"Okay. But if I don't like it there tomorrow, I am not setting foot there ever again," I state, and I mean it. I don't even know why I am wasting my time going there because I already know I won't like it. Maybe because I don't want to be rude to him.

He chuckles, raising his hands playfully for surrender. "As you wish, but I will make you fall in love. I swear!"

A shiver skints through my spine. 'Fall in love?" I implore; curiosity and confusion are throbbing in my heart.

He smiles. 'With the gym!"

Oh! He should have been clear on that.

That sounds so close to impossibility, though, because I can't picture myself loving the gym ever, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. The squats, though! No, I am sure tomorrow will be the first and last day at that gym.