HOPELESS SITUATION

Three weeks later,.


I am roaming around the streets of this beautiful city on this chilly evening. Just like the darkness is overcrowding the city, so is it doing to my mind. Despondency is whacking me hard. Life is really spanking me mercilessly.

For three good fucking weeks, I struggled to find work. I leave my house in the morning every single day with the forlorn hope of coming back with good news, just like I did today, but every single day I come back with a distraught heart. A downcast heart. I didn't get any today either, so it is not an exception. I don't even feel like returning to that house since I feel so depressed right now. Since giving up on the job search for today at six in the evening, I have been pacing for about three hours, lost, my mind wandering to anywhere and nowhere. But I am now unable to continue. I am exhausted, drained, and hopeless. It is dark. My legs feel exhausted.

Where even am I?


I collapse to the bench on the sidewalk of the road and take in a good amount of the cold breeze in and out. I am seeing hell beckoning to me from so close. The bills have begun piling up. I have been banking on Damian for food and beverages, but I can't do that anymore. I abhor this contorting feeling of being dependent on someone, but if I didn't accept his help, I don't know what I would have done. Perhaps I would have ended up taking Grace's offer, but you should have seen Damian's gloomy, wrinkly, poopy face when I mentioned that to him. It was just a footnote; I never considered it and still don't do it, but even a mere mention drove him berserk. He was over the edge with contentment about that idea. He even said he would tie down my arse with a robe to my house to prevent me from working in a club, as if he had the right to dictate anything to me.

I'm still so adamantly stubborn to accept Grace's offer, which is always obtainable. Not because Damian won't let me, but rather because I still won't sacrifice my morals. I haven't given up because I still believe that somewhere out there, my luck is waiting for me. Not giving up yet. I know I will find something, small or big. Someday, somehow. But hopefully, that happens soon because I am really having it rough and losing hope. I just don't want to lose it all.


I don't care to check my phone when it buzzes. Since I turned on my phone three weeks ago, my two unflappable home-town best friends have been on my neck. They add yet another burden that I am currently unable to deal with. Not when they had the audacity to advise me to put an end to this lunacy and return home. They believe that I cannot endure all this, like everyone else. I was damn wrong in believing that they, of all people, knew me better. Sane or insane, this is what I chose for myself. Childish or not, it's still what I choose! It is what I want and what I will stick to. Period!

That idiot of a father, well, I think he exploited his last card of making sure I don't get a job very well. I must commend his guts and cold heart. I must be stinking like rotten eggs that nobody wanted to have in their disgusting offices. Tired of the same riposte every time I went for an interview, I gave up on my marketing career a week ago and ended up seeking small jobs at kiosks, but even that has hit a hard rock. I am uncertain anymore if it's really the people who are not hiring, or maybe I have an angel of doom roaming around me. And yeah, the latter has it, and that angel of doom is Richard Bradley Ricaford!

It is already so dark. The day is gone. I am utterly helpless. However, tomorrow is a new day. The rise of the sun brings with it new hopes and new beginnings, they say, and that is the only hope that is driving me. Maybe the sun will shine more brightly than it did today.

I get up, clutch my pouch, then drag my lazy ass across the busy street to hail a cab. In recent weeks, I haven't driven my Porsche. Where would I get money for fuel? Consequently, it would seem ridiculous to haul such a heavy machine in this circumstance. Everything about this misery stinks!

I was about to turn to call a cab, but something suddenly stole my attention.

A coffee shop is on sale!

From the outside, it appears stunning, with the scent of coffee luring from afar. My crazy mind turns a hundred degrees.

How would it feel to own this? As I glare at it, I can already imagine myself walking around in it with a white apron, serving coffee and cakes to my customers. A beautiful but insane dream, because the coins I have on me as my legs drive me inside the coffee shop are only enough for a cup of cappuccino and cab fare to take me home. All the same, I am already inside; the aroma is irresistible; I cannot turn back.

I find myself a seat at the far corner of the busy, capacity-filled coffee shop and order one cappuccino. As I wait, I can't help but wonder. The shop is not even as small as it seems from the outside. It seems to be so busy, thanks to its location. I'm sure it's doing well, given the population. Why is it being sold?

"Here, miss. Enjoy your coffee." The nice waiter says, placing my coffee gently on the table.

"Thank you, Jannie." I read her name on the tag hanging on her chest. Not just one waiter, but I am spotting about five right now. For a coffee shop, it ought to be extra busy to have such several employees. "Aah, can I ask something?" My curiosity speaks, calling the attention of the kind waitress.

"Yes, miss?" She asks.

"If I may ask, is the shop really on sale?" I ask, not sounding so interested and sipping on my coffee.

"Yes, miss. The owner hasn't found a potential buyer yet." She retorts.