WORRYING HIDDEN SECRETS

He just stands there, tense and vulnerable. I can't help but feel a surge of conflicting emotions rile me up with every passing second of his silence. His nervousness somehow adds an endearing quality to his demeanor, but the shadow of dread in his eyes tugs at my heartstrings, stirring a sense of concern within me.


I plant my hands firmly on my hips, meeting his dominant gaze with a challenging stare of my own, silently urging him to lay bare the fears that hold him captive.

"That we should live together!" he blurts out, his words tumbling forth in a rush of desperation. "You and I. Here or in my house. Anywhere. Just..."

His voice trails off, leaving the rest unspoken, hanging in the air between us like a fragile thread waiting to be woven into something more substantial. The vulnerability in his plea touches me deeply, resonating with my own desires and fears, but more than that, I am bewildered.


Live together?

For a moment, the weight of his proposition hangs heavy in the air as I try to digest his words and insinuations.


Living together like a husband and wife—what does he mean by that?

"Wait, what?!" I query my exclamations, cutting him off, but the fear in him gears words from his mouth immediately.

"It's not marriage, Ellie! I just want us to be close and together. Please?"

Someone ring a bell for me!

He wants us to live together. It is not marriage. So what is it, then? Aren't we always close? We are almost always together in the office, and we also share houses. So why make it permanent? What is this freaking fear in his eyes for?

"Is there something else you want to tell me aside from this sudden "living together" thing?" I implore.

Forgive my intuition for thinking that this guy is worried about something—something that is beginning to scare me too. Something is instilling fear in my bones. I don't think this fear in his eyes is normal at all. Well, I might be wrong, but…

"I am just scared of losing you, Ellie! I cannot lose you."

Here go his nonessential insecurities again. Just what is a threat to him, huh? I have assured him countless times that he is not going to lose me. He knows I have no other man in my life aside from him. He knows that I love him. Haven't I proven my love to him enough? What more do I have to do, huh? I am already wearing his ring, for goodness sake! What more assurances does he need? Should I walk with a tag on my forehead that says I am engaged to Damian Almeda?

"You know that I know you well, Damian, right?" I speak, fiving my eyes at his.

"I know. So please understand where I am coming from. And I know this may seem selfish because I din not ask you first, but I just thought that I might surprise you with it. And that you would be happy about us permanently living together."

Yeah, right. As if that were the issue here. "Your idea might be good, but this fear in your eyes says something else. What are you afraid of?" I ask.

He holds my shoulders, and I feel him tremble. This strange. This is deep. Damian Almeda, trembling, just because he is afraid of losing me? Under what basis? No, how cliche is this? "I already told you, Ellie. I don't want to lose you."

Fuck! I have heard that phrase a million times and I think I have heard enough of it already. It is beginning to choke me!

"One last chance, Damian! Tell me what is bothering you, because I haven't given you even a single reason to feel this way. One. last . chance. Speak." I challenge.

He darts his eyes into mine so dominantly that I feel their gazes scorching mine. I should shudder, but I won't. He then closes his eyes, lifting his lips to speak. "The only thing I can tell you, Ellie Marrie Riccaford, is that I love you so much to let you go and that I can do everything to keep you to myself." He peels his eyes, locking with mine in an intense gaze. "Come what may, always remember that I can never do anything that will jeopardize our relationship. That is how much I love you."

Riddles! Beautiful riddles!

"So, you admit that there is something else worrying you?" I plead.

"Let's not talk about it, Ellie. I'll... I will work on my insecurities. Promise!"

Promise, huh!

I drag my head slowly in a nod, not because I concur with him keeping secrets from me, especially if they are as serious as the one portrayed in his eyes, but because I'm exhausted from pleading and giving him assurances. I gave him a chance to speak, but he turned it down. Well, whatever is tormenting him like this, I hope it's something we can surpass.

"Thank you. And it's okay if you don't agree with my crazy idea. We can just go on the way we are."

He would rather give up on his idea than spill the truth. "No. It's... okay. We practically live together anyway, so this isn't a big deal. What I don't agree with is that you keep secrets from me, but since I can't force you to confide in me, I give up. When you feel like talking, I will be here, but in the meantime, could you get rid of this scary look on your face? It is freaking me out so much."

I slip from his grip, leave him statued there, and walk to the bathroom. We still have to go to work after all. And it's not like he is willing to entrust his secrets to me, whatever they are.

But what is it? What exactly is this thing tormenting him this way? What is so big and scary that he can't tell me, huh? Why does he feel so threatened that he might lose me?