MAKE LOVE TO ME

We kiss goodnight and snuggle into an embrace.


We try to lose ourselves in sleep.

But the silence cuts so deep, and sleep is a distant luxury.

This is us.


Me, mostly.

I should be calm in his arms, but I am not. I am trying so hard to close my eyes and get even just a few winks, but all in vain. Everything is working against me tonight and I am finding myself tossing and turning in his arms. This must have been Crystal Gyle's exact feeling in The Sounds of Goodbye Jazz. And I am hating this feeling in as much as it is unbounded. It is killing me, and I weep for my father's condition, I am also weeping because of this.


Finally, the lantern flickers again. I didn't even have to adjust to the light because, deeply, I was longing for it. I had not closed my eyes even for a second. "You can't sleep?" He queries, sloping his head above me as he rests on his elbow.

I shake my head. "Don't worry about me. Go to sleep. I will be fine," I urge him.

He slightly smirked my statement off, shaking his head. "That is nonsense. You know I can't do that while you are wandering in bed. I can't sleep while you are awake."

"I am sorry. I am just unable to sleep. I am afraid of even closing my eyes. There is so much going on in my head. I can't explain what I am feeling. It is like I am in a catastrophic quagmire." I stop for a bit, looking at him, 'Why is this happening to me, Damian? Just when I thought that I had it all, this happens? Am I doomed to be miserable the whole of my life?" I am trying really hard not to break down as I speak.

I just don't understand this sh*t called fate anymore. Why has it vouched to make my life miserable? Why has it decided to punish me like this? I mean, I had not even started basking in the glee of how perfect and happy my life had turned out after all that I had to go to, and boom! Fate drops another catastrophe my way. Now I am miserable again, basking in pain that I had never felt before.

"Hey, that is not true. You deserve all the happiness in the world because you are the nicest person there is in this world. You will be happy, Ellie. We will be happy. We are still happy. Maybe not fully because of this, but soon we will be," Damian soothes.

"When, Damian?" I ask.

"I may not know when for sure, but you, Ellie Marrie Riccaford, will be happy. And if fate has it otherwise, then you and I will change it."

That sounds like a fairy tale—a sweet fairy tale that gives me a ray of hope.

"You are strong, Ellie. You can surpass this. And I am here, always. For you. For us. I got you."

What more nice assurance do I need than his sweet, assuring words? Nothing. "Thank you," I mumble, managing to force a small grin.

"Do you want me to accompany you? Maybe it is time," he says after a while, like he had taken time to ponder his words carefully.

Maybe it is time?

I agree. Don't they say that there really is no right time for anything? That the decision and the power to make the time right for what we love lie solely in us? Then again, circumstances do matter. This is complicated. It is a sweet and thoughtful offer that I wouldn't turn down for anything, but only if the situation was different. I would love to introduce him to my father, but not like this. Maybe after I gauge my father's condition, I can decide if it is indeed the right time.

"I would love to, but I don't think his condition needs this. Let me see how my father is, then we can plan, alright?" I say, and he nods his head.

"I understand. Take all the time it needs. I am not going anywhere. I am willing to wait even my entire life, as long as it is you that I am waiting for," he says.

Wow! Great, right? I mean, lovely! Who wouldn't be moved by that? I am melting slightly, but the fear of what awaits me back at home is still so strong.

"My candles don't seem to work on you tonight, and you need to sleep, babe," he says, caressing my cheek. "You need to rest. Do you need me to get you anything? Food? Coffee? Tea?" He adds.

I don't think all of that, or any of it, will be a remedy tonight. If his charm is not working, I am certain that nothing else will. But I need to forget all these anxieties, fears, and worries, even for a moment. "There is something you can do to make me feel better," I mutter.

"What?" he queries.

"Make love to me. Make me forget all these fears, Damian," I plead.

He is taken aback. "What? I don't think sex will work at this time. It doesn't feel right, Ellie," he genuinely argues.

"It does feel right, love. We had plans for this night, and this was one of them. I don't want to fail you in everything tonight," I mumble.

"Come on, love. I don't have a problem at all. As I said, we have lots of time ahead of us.You should not do this to compensate me. It will make me feel like a jerk," he says.

"Then do it for my sake, love." I cupped his face. "I want you to make love to me tonight, please?" As I pull him for a kiss, I can feel myself starting to loosen up, warming up to this.

There is nothing like "the right moment" for some things. As long as there is love and time, then this, or any other given moment, is right for this. How else should we profess love to our spouses if we are not ready to surrender and submit ourselves to each other at all times?

People come and go, but this one won't. Damian is my mine forever. For all the wrong or right reasons. Come rain, come sunshine, come whatever life throws at me, he will always be my sweetest, greatest love—my soul. My better half. The right one made for me. Nothing can or ever will put us asunder until eternity.