I didn't know how to make him understand how I felt in this relationship.

I was afraid he'd leave. Afraid he'd cheat.

I just wanted reassurance. That's all.

After graduation, he'd stayed on as faculty. He was actually pretty well-known, he even went viral once because people thought he was so handsome..

I know, and on some level I understand, he can't only have male students. Interaction in a lab is inevitable.

I just want to know why he can't explain it to me properly. Or just look at me.

Pull me into his arms and reassure me, even just a little.

Like he used to.

I don't know when he started becoming like this.

He came home less and less, always saying he was busy with experiments, research. It's true, these past few years he's won awards, become incredibly busy. He has reasons for not being around, and I use those reasons to comfort myself.

Until three months ago, when I started having this recurring dream.

In it, he was intimate with one of his female students.

He whispers sweet nothings to her, with the same tenderness he once showed me.

That tender expression he hadn't shown me in so long was now directed at that girl. It hurt so much—like my heart was being ripped apart.

I'd wake up and realize it was just a dream.

My pillow would be wet. I'd been crying so hard in the dream.